i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
