i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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