you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
