How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
