now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and she was petting her beer can
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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