I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
