Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
