I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
