you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
