they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
