don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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