ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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