I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
