three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
