my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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