How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
