God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
honey bunches of taint.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
