The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
