i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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