I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
