Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
