I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
