shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
