gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
