I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I could fuck to npr.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
