im drinking this country out of the recession.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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