This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
