My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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