i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
