He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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