she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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