she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
