party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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