shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are a booty call, not a friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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