I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I want is dick and wine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
