Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
