So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
