It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
