Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
