You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
