I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
