two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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