I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
