Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
