Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
