take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
