Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
