dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
