I want to have your abortion
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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