I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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