they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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