im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
