I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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